Hello to you, my dear little universal blood donors. Well, blood… We know it’s not exactly like that, don’t we? It’s our soul that escapes from us, to the rhythm of the bites of our dear narcissistic vampires. Welcome to the realm of the narcissistic pervert.
Surviving in a hostile environment: life with a manipulator
One more day, the sun sets on your poor, wounded body. Your tears have long since stopped flowing; your hemoglobin has frozen in your veins. Your body, pale and weak, stiffens from being drained of energy like a pig whose throat has been slit. It’s showtime, right in the middle of Madame Tussauds. But the only one not raising a glass is you.
“Fucking hell, another broken glass… It’s your fault. Couldn’t you be more more careful where you put it? Can’t you see it’s on the edge of the table? You really are a bloody incompetent. A great, useless bitch.
“But you’re the one who told me to put it closer to the cutlery…”
“I never said that. Ah, that one, she’ll really invent anything to justify her bullshit. Did you see that?”
Around the banquet, which is carnivorous and salty since you don’t like meat or salt, the guests shake their heads. But they were there. Or they didn’t. You no longer know what’s true and what’s false.
It’s not like you’ve got time to wonder anymore. Today, dinner had to be prepared in a hurry. Your boyfriend didn’t tell you until late afternoon that the festivities would be taking place that night.
“But… you haven’t planned anything for tonight? How can you keep standing with such an empty head is beyong me… I’ve reminded you, over and over again.”
Or not. You don’t remember him mentioning this little party.
You don’t know anymore.
But you can’t let him down; as he tells you often enough, without him, you’re nothing. You’re nobody. You’re a stain, left on a window for too long. If he were no longer by your side, you’d be quickly erased.
So you ran to the local Target. Alas, prices keep going up, and your finances keep going down. You’ve been out of work ever since your boyfriend encouraged you to quit your job.
“They don’t value you, making you work so hard… Frankly, you’d be better off staying home with me. You know I’ll always make sure you’re taken care of.”
Alas, now he’s the one working too hard. You feel sorry for him. He could never have foreseen that you would cost him so much money…
So, of course, he’s cut back on the money he pays you to maintain the house.
You’re at the butcher’s till, and you don’t have enough to pay for his and his friends’ ribs.
“Hello? What do you want now? Can’t you do anything on your own, or what?”
Oh no. Today, he’s stressed out.
He really works too hard, poor thing.
“I’m sorry to bother you… I don’t have enough money to pay for all the groceries… Prices have gone up again….
“Cut the crap. Truth is that you’re throwing money away, isn’t it?”
“I’ve bought nothing but food this month…”
Are you stupid or what? You’re still trying to defend yourself? You’re wrong, maybe it’s time you learned that.
“Are you aware that I’m the one keeping track of the finances? You think I don’t see them, the disappearing bills at Sephora?”
“That was to cover up the bruise… When I fell…”
Or when he pushed you. You don’t know anymore.
“Thirty bucks for a ridiculous foundation? Do you think I’m stupid?
“No, you’re right… I’m exaggerating.”
“Finally, some sense in that empty head of yours. Forget about dessert tonight. You can explain to my guests why they’ll be hungry, eh!”
The moment has arrived. Around the table, the guests watch you pick up the broken glass. Dracula, your boyfriend, laughs with his friends at your pitiful form; on all fours on the floor, you really do look miserable.
But pity won’t come, in the harsh inhumanity that surrounds you.
These people have known Dracula too long to stand up to him.
And you too, right? In the three years you’ve been together, you’ve learned your lesson. You’re worthless on your own, you have no substance.
A stain on the window is only noticeable when the sun reflects on the pane.
The narcissistic pervert relies on psychological violence to condition his victim.
That’s also what makes it so difficult to get out of this kind of relationship. Living with a narcissistic pervert means surviving a toxic relationship. And no, toxicity isn’t just about “my boyfriend doesn’t have the same favorite color as me” or “my mom won’t let me hang out with my best friend”.
It’s the WHY that’s important.
“My boyfriend doesn’t have the same favorite color as me… because he says I have shitty taste in everything. I’m incapable of even choosing what I like.”
“My mom won’t let me hang out with my best friend… because she can see that she’s encouraging me to talk to her about what’s going on at home.”
The narcissistic personality functions only through controlling relationships. Narcissists lack empathy, and are incapable of thinking in terms of love. So they employ warlike techniques to control their victims, and continue to strip them of all their joie de vivre, all their personality, and all their ability to think. These include – and the list is long – the following:
Love bombing: the narc (emotional vampire) will first bombard you with love, literally. Kindness, gentleness, listening, attention: he makes sure he knows you perfectly before attacking. By the way, he seems so nice to others that nobody will believe you, much later.
Gaslighting: someone who mistreats another person will make them question their own judgment and perception of reality by denying truths and make her go through…
Isolation: both emotional and physical. The narcissistic personality WILL make sure you see nothing and no one but him/her, so that you’re left alone with your doubts.
Guilt: the DARVO method (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
Triangulation: constant comparison with others who are better than you, more efficient than you, more beautiful than you… You get the idea.
Manipulation of others: generous lies to every member of your entourage to turn them against YOU. And to get the flying monkeys (the submissive people around the narc) ready to take you back to the narcissist if you try to flee 🙂
As mentioned, the list is long.
The same list of invisible symptoms of a sick and dangerous individual.
Yes, the psychological hold a narcissist maintains over his victim is an invisible suffering. It’s almost impossible to prove, or for that matter, to prove to yourself. The vampire is in your head. Good luck realizing that a mini-Dracula is pumping your soul from the inside! No one else can see it, so no one else will help you.
And let’s not forget that society is becoming increasingly selfish.
That doesn’t help.
Fortunately, the narcissist doesn’t choose his victim at random. He needs an empathetic, intelligent person on whom to cast his lot. Who, indeed, dreams of playing a game of chess against a fool? Victory, your psychological destruction, would no longer bring him pleasure.
Because yes, life with a narcissistic pervert is a game, for him.
A game for your life.
And you have the means to get out of it. They’re within you.
To find my own game of chess against the anti-social personalities around us, click here:
And to continue learning more about this amazing world being revealed before your blinded eyes, I encourage you… to follow me on Youtube 🙂
Until next time, and remember: there is a world outside the manipulative universe created by the narcissist.
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